but yeah. what do you think? let me know? it started with the messy background that i liked but it wasnt enough. so i kept building it up. ripping more people off as i went. etc. nevermind. i just realised how much dom (twat i used to live with) looked like the frankie goes to hollywood guy in the relax video. yes. ive had enough of 1984 and all the carebears it has to over. bedtime. like i said.

25.12.2002: hey. merry christmas yall. although only by one hour. so i dont get to open any of my presents yet. and both my parents are ill. and my girlfriend. so i kinda feel like ive ruined christmas. and we dont even eat turkey. hey at least sian wont eat meat. hmmm. anyway. im watching i love 1983 and he-man is on. how cool is that? im really pissed cos i used to have every one of the toys that theyve had on. every damn one of them. my parents well spoilt me when i was little. name a he-man character and i had it. but its 1983. i was what? two years old. i dont get it. the numbers just dont work out. oh wow theyre doing break dancing. why am i typing this when i could be giving that my full attention? body popping rules. yeah. so what was i saying? oh i dont know. woah. pink is looking really good on re:covered. weird. no i really mean that. and gewn stefani is being kinda funny. but some sucker said hed like mariah carey at his funeral. like.. played at his funeral. like. okay. now im getting a headache. what you get for working until two am on christmas eve. i feel no christmas spirit. at all. that is kinda sad. but.. i dunno. it doesnt bother me that much. is that sad? hmm. even with the big christmas tree and stuff. christmas is good but as a day im sure it could always be better. chilling out with your friends or having a mad time at a club or something. it always kinda peters out. that reminds me. i had a dream about our new years ever party. it was amazing. loads of girls and it turned into a club. understatement. it was all a bit weird for ages. i was cooking all my left over food in one big saucepan but someone kept putting on top of the oven when i played on the old console. we had lots of tvs. then someone put some music on. some non-metal but loud bashy guitar stuff. it was wicked. being at the end of the kitchen was suddenly like being at the deep end of an emptied swimming pool. full of your favourite friends. and everyone is dancing in time and having the best new years. we were planning on going to a club but decided to stay at home cos ours was better. i had weirder dreams but ive forgetten them. i was determined not to. but hey. that always happens right? maybe if i give daryl a ring theyll come and play at our party. imagine that? in our underground no window low ceiling bunker living room. noisy and exciting as fuck. i think youd find. itd be pink roses and radio cambodia. and dont forget tip your bartender. okay. this idiot is going to bed because ceefax has come on bbc2. haha. terrible. i hope you all had a good christmas anyway.

24.12.2002: oh my. its christmas eve. and how much does it not feel like its christmas day tomorrow? well. whatever. im just fed up of being ill. ive been working stoppingly ill way too much recently. i had the worst stomach bug over the last 48 hours that ive ever had. i dont wanna blame the korma i had but i aint eating another one of those for a very long time. they dont taste that nice once youve thrown them up through your nose. sorry. that was way too much information. but you know me. i dont like holding back. so yeah. went to bed at about one but had to get up pretty much straight away to go the toilet. i didnt feel like i was gonna be sick but i felt like i had to do something. but yeah. i didnt get any sleep all night. i was ill pretty muche every hour on the hour. i threw up three times. was sick twice. vomited three times and chucked twice. plus gagging wretching. i hate being ill. i couldnt even take any medicine cos it wouldnt stay down. and all i wanted to do was glug down as much water as possible. weird that. i still havnt eaten. but yeah. i was really gutted cos sian had come over on sunday. we saw lord of the rings. it was clives birthday thing. went the pub etc. then just got ill. really fucking shit. and then all the guys came round. first time everyones been back in rugby for ages. and i was feeling really crappy. so now i want everyone to come back round today. but i guess its not gonna happen. and i wont see anyone on christmas eve. then im in redditch on boxing day. humph. oh well. maybe if i text everyone someone will come round. was still a good night but i couldnt really appreciate it. everyone was getting drunk etc. mark bought round tekken. we all played that stupid test the nation thing. i only got 44%. which was rubbish. more than rubbish. but hey. im pretty sure a lot of the questions were of no importance at all. fifteen out the seventy were sport related. and ben won. i woulda put money on him tho. or mum failing that. jo brand was way funny. argh fuck. my computer just totally crashed. what the fuck was that? the blue screen came and went so fast all i could read was the word 'dump'. im just hoping i didnt lose any of my work. oh well. lucky id saved this file. or maybe not. id decided if it was lost then i wouldnt retype it. and who wants to hear about me being sick? exactly. i just ate a slice of bread. i dunno if it was actually a good idea. which reminds me. ive done some more popups but i dunno if i like them yet. so im gonna wait out on them for a bit before they go public. or whatever. im just not sure if theres a point to them. or something. ive been playing around with psp7. i really hated psp6 so stuck with psp5 but psp7 has some really nice and some really useful features. the one thing that is really irritating is the psp file format isnt backwards compatible. so what the hell is with that? rubbishness. oh btw. fruityloops is amazing. heres me talking about all my pirated software. groan. heres what i think tho. i wouldnt ever buy fruityloops. unless it was really cheap obviously. but i dont use it that much. if i ever make any money from using it then id but it. thats fair right? and paint shop pro. well. i dunno. i do use that a hell of a lot. no idea how much it costs tho. i only got a crack for it cos it timed out in the middle of a really important project and needed it cos all my diagrams were psp files. piracy for eduction is all go as far as im concerned. do i have a legal version of word? i have no idea to be honest. my computer might have come with it i suppose. cant remember. but whats wrong with 'stealing' from a company with money and power than they should have. coreys getting well good with his psp stuff. he hasnt put it up on his website tho. at least i dont think so. anyway. grahams trying to explain the finer details of the tivo. they cancelled over here now but its well good. i guess their advertising campaign wasnt all that good. although it is just for lazy people. so thats not such a great thing. i dunno. like mobile phones. they just enable you to not have to plan things out properly. like meeting people and stuff. im working now. no really. i am.

20.12.2002: i forgot what i was doing last night. i was posting a 'hey i updated stuff' news page entry. but totally lost the plot. and yknow i havnt even done than much. mostly minor updates to the stuff i like stuff. for martin i put some sketchy rules for progressive rummy up on the games page. i also added some other random waste of time crap to that page. minor updates to books and food. the food page is rubbish. wheres the real food? ill sort it out one day. and even smaller updates to music ..can you spot the difference? probably not. but hey. oh. and i added some new links to the links page. and its all stuff that ive mentioned on here. so dont all dash at once. no really. got up really late again today. i had an excuse tho today. i had this amazing hug in one of my dreams and didnt want to leave it. so i just stayed in bed feeling fuzzy and warm. it wasnt even a real person. i think it was probably a cross between at least three girls i know. weird. not as weird as the other shit i was dreaming tho. i remember being in some big department store. or sainsburies. and trying to collect certain coat hangers cos if you got enough you won this prize. been playing too much bishi bashi? ..then it was all dark in this one bit. kinda scary but not. and someone lit a candle on this guys pizza. he was some important guy. anyway. he started eating it. but he so knew. he was just not making out. and he was offering it around. he was just psyching out the guys. anyway. he was talking to me and telling me he wanted me to forget that i was inside. this was kinda deep. he started telling me cryptic stuff and i started to cry. thats where i woke up. just before i was totally distraught. then when i woke up ..it had all gone. just like the dream. huh? anyway. i had this other dream where (hey you might not wanna hear this actually) this girl i was living with (who wasnt some girl who im living with) was getting really upset cos they showed this cave man sucking himself off. better than fucking the dog. yknow i need to explain that. its oilrig speak coadapted to brighton speak. or rather. tom read it in a book. it means doing nothing. nowt to do with dogs. its very dark in here. whatever. just reading film magazine and they voted donnie darko best film of this year. you are damn right. i forgot how many films there are i want to see. i missed eight women at the duke of york. damn it. oh well. whatever. talking crap again. sorry.

19.12.2002: okay technically its the 20th. but until i go to bed and get up again its not as far as im concerned. went to the gym today for the first time in three months. still managed a good twenty minutes of level 8 cross trainer and a good 2.5km run. was kinda surprised i could still do that okay. went swimming. it was really nice to get back in the water. and id forgotten who good the old ..how the hell do you spell that? yknow. bath thing with bubbles. no idea. i just finished michael moores book 'stupid white people'. thumbs up. read it. espeically if youre american. although id like to think that if you were american you wouldnt need to. one thing that scared me most in the book was that only 34 cities in america have competing newspapers. what?!?. anyone who reads this should know how much i hate the media. especially news papers.. but i didnt realise it was *that* bad. who needs a 'clean act' when theres a monoply on media. i also found a copy of bishi bashi special in the new game shop in town. crazy bait to get mark round? its fucking mad. had a well good time the other night playing it. ben came round desperate to go out. so we had a large one out in rugby. gee whiz. it was fun tho. although we just spent the whole time argueing about this or that. and i think it mostly them against me. what pisses me off is when it comes down to vegetarianism it always gets stuck on one reason why im vege. people dont seem to understand that theres lots of reasons and its not as simple as anything. you cant ruin my reasons for being vege because im wearing shoes. fuck sake. but hey. meat is just shit isnt it. whatever. no one dare fucking bring it up again. every damn party. i got some good photos. a lot where just random stuff i took testing stuff out. weve got quite a nice tree up in the lounge btw. come round and check it out. im talking about trees. maybe its time to go to bed. havnt done enough work today. made some good break throughs with my alife project. got some more complicated stuff rocking. giving bonuses for being able to pick definate moves. this should force more complicated chromosomes. and the more definate the phenotype is then the more predictable it is (less random). the better that is then the less noisy the fitness evaluation is. and that can only be good. i was thinking that i was gonna have to force genetic drift to happen (with my evoart stuff it would happily get stagnant without a push) but cos of the noisyness of everything rarely a generation goes by without genetic drift or a different phenotype even. and theres no point with elitism because the chromosome that comes out fittest is totally dependent on others (which can be totally random). so which is the actual fittest isnt really quantifiable. its all just speculation. i was gonna program a minimax business so they could play against a decent player each time. rather than just with each other. but theyd only exploit some crappy weakness id program in the minimax or whatever. or itd be shit cos the best they could do is force a draw. although maybe that would be good. any ideas anyone? as if. i just dont know if i can be bothered to design and code my own minimax. and i dont trust anyone elses. i need to know it fully to make sure there isnt an obvious thing they could just exploit. like a sequence of moves that would nearly always force a draw. theyd just keep doing that. rubbish. okay. if anyone did actually start reading this theyve definately finished by now. so. nevermind. goodnight. entropy is a great word btw.

17.12.2002: ive left it too long again. i was really ill for most of last week. this landed me in a bit of shit. more on that later. and since ive been at home in rugby its been to easy to not get my computer out. especially since im blaming it for my headaches. althought ive already had one while being here. whatever. i will get my eyes tested. i promise. i know you all want me to look like an idiot. not that people with glasses look like idiots. i quite like people with glasses. its just that i look like an idiot with glasses. dont think i havnt tried many on. ive known my fate for a long time. but. anyway. yeah. last friday i was too fucked off for words. what happened? well id been ill all week.. this is the week in which i was going to be doing loads of work. especially for my animal and machine intelligence essay. i changed my mind again. im now doing animal perception of time. so if youre up on episodic memory in animals give me a bell. i was going to be spending all friday catching up. getting all my necessary papers from the library. browsing the net. etc. making full use of the univeristy facilities before i was shipped back to rugby with little resources. you can probably tell from my tone that this didnt happen. so what did? i noticed someone on my course filling out a cover sheet. you can imagine the alarm bells starting to ring. what could it be? surely all of my deadline dates were in the middle of january. but no. actually my maths project was in for four that day. five hours? to do a piece of work worth 50% of one module? are you crazy? so my research went out of the window. the phrase headless chicken comes to mind. they sent me this way and that. etc. tried to get a self certificate form. as if. i couldnt go to the health centre cos im not registered with them. but as i got passed from person to person they forgot this. nightmare. i cant be bothered to fill in all the details. but the amount of administration i had to go through to get no result was insane. its like everyones so chilled out in brighton that theyve had to put in loads of red tape to make it impossible to do anything. so. if you miss the deadline you lose an instant 50% off your mark. you see why i wanted some kind of doctors note? well. nevermind. i got 59% for my last one so as long as i got over 21% for the work i did i pass the module. yeah. i did get the work in. sort of. i started it after the deadline and worked for a pretty solid ten hours. i think i eventually got to bed at about half five. got up the next morning and had to sent it special delivery with the doctors note that i couldnt get signed. mucho thanks to tom and ben for helping me tho. providing maths books and checking my stuff. everyone but me and tom went to the beach (nightclub on the beach) which was apparently amazing. but hey. whatever. tom stuck around and played flashback and watched slams. now there is an amazing film. please watch it sometime. some of the freestyling in that is amazing. especially the first time he does it in jail. top stuff. yo. so. the day before we had a dinner party. a few people came round and everyone had to drink food they made or whatever. i made cheese and pineapple sticks. its not a party without them. we just had banging music all night courtesy of soulwaxs 2manydjs. the sound of brighton. every damn shop is playing that cd. i wish i was a little bit taller yall. we played the name on the head game again. ben was jack daniels. he got it quite early when he asked if he was dead and james said he was alive in spirit. but hey. i guess it had to be said. ate too much cheese. i remember a funny conversation in bens room with christine about worry dolls. she didnt get them and ben was trying to explain. 'why dont you talk to normal people?' ..haha.. but anyway. before that i was ill. i hardly got out of bed on tuesday. didnt get out of bed until five. it was dark already. horrible. had a shower. crashed out until half nine. went downstairs or something. i cant really remember. people putting up christmas decorations. frank skinner on tv. people talking about meeting michael moore and mark thomas. corey just lent me michael moores book. stupid white men. its really good. i already read about half of it. scares the hell out of me. im like.. well.. why am i trying to do this essay? its not gonna help the world. crazy. i want to know if the reading statistics include the internet or not. i read a lot on the internet. but i read a lot anyway. so. yknow. go michael moore. went to the bombay aloo with lux on wednesday for my recovery feed. needed to eat lots cos i didnt eat. its what you gotta do when youre ill. its so cold out tho. hey.. so my mum told me she was talking to sians dad and he said hed been on my website. argh. my website is designed for parents to read. especially not this page. i need a relative filter or something. oh well. at least theres so much of it its not really possible to read it. or something. i ordered more books from amazon. one of them even arrived. yay. amazing design book by ds. they have a website but im not currently online-able so cant pick up the address. actually i lie. its in my favourites. well. it is with lots of other things. it may be here. but if its not some design magazine website with all the writing on the side then its not it. and i apologise. but yeah. ordered a load of neil gaiman stuff. he had a book out recently that i probably should read. and some old stuff i never got round to getting. so now im home. its cold in the house. my duvet is really thin (but it is really soft) and im feeling christmas fat. mums decided she doesnt know me anymore. groan. i seem to start arguments by not doing anything. its like. ive come home for holiday ..not to be used to do loads of crazy stuff and be moaned at for not helping. its not like im under any obligation anymore. or something. this sounds mean of me. its sounds horrible in fact. but when your doing stuff and someone asks you to do something and you say youll do it in ten minutes. they then shout at you cos thats not good enough ..its like.. well hey. ill move back to brighton shall i? but it is kinda nice to be back here. i just needed to get that off my chest. the same way i need to get stuff about nick of my chest too. i kinda did that already. he such a cunt tho. how he dare fucking talk to people the way he does. he can fuck right off. im not being so nice around the house next term. i left the room on saturday to avoid an argument. me and tom were using the tv and he was moaning about watching tv and how its his and shit. i wish we didnt have a fucking tv. if he paid a fair amount of rent i wouldnt be quite so pissed off. if someone asked me if i minded him moving in i wouldnt be quite so pissed off. if someone told me id be living with six instead of five people ..i wouldnt be quite so pissed off. if he wasnt such a shit.. etc. that feels better. well actually no it doesnt. i havnt gone on even half enough. but ill quit for your sake. who needs my hatred when the worlds on the brink of war. met up with my parents on saturday and went shopping. found the old leftfield chemical brothers open up remix 12" ive been looking for for ages. nice. and we met up with tom and ate at terre a terre. pretty damn good. its easily more expensive than food for friends and its pretty posh for a vege place. but thats what brighton is about. i really want to try their halumi burger. but i cant imagine me going in again any time soon. i was a bit pissed off at the guy dissing me for ordering coke. all i wanted was some water and caffine drink. preferbly with sugar. you would too if youd not got to bed until nearly six and got up before ten to get to the health centre just to be messed around further. they were nice about it tho. but yeah. the woman suggested coke. i woulda expected some kinda natural living coke. but no. i shoulda dissed him back for not supplying organic cola of some description. but hey. i deserved the dissing. but didnt as well. this makes sense to me even if it doesnt to you ..you think i write this for anyone but myself? are you crazy. who knows. why is it when youre at home you sleep so much more? in brighton id go to bed after midnight and get up at ten. at home im in bed before midnight and have got up around midday last two days. and ive napped in the middle. im sleeping for more than half of my day. i woke up to sooty and sweep today. its got new intro music. fucking amazing. i couldnt believe how good the music was. drum and bass. is he? was he? is he? izzy wizzy lets get busy. etc. so i got the new glassjaw single. new? well. whatever. the extra two songs are amazing. obviously. they should have been on the album tho. id replace the stuck pig with the second track any day. and the third track should have been last. and i was thinking the other day about stuff. everyone has their own resonance. their own frequency that they vibrate to. this is why no one understands the amazingness that is glassjaw. but hey.. they can get off on 'she fucking hates me' if they want yknow. if at all they do 'get off'. that was probably a little below the belt.. but hey. isnt that its all about? im getting some photos back tomorrow. exciting huh? yeah. i cant really remember what i took photos of. i remember taking one of neptune on the beach. that wont make much sense to anyone who hasnt read the screenplay of pi. and various brighton photos. i remember wasting a lot of photos of stuff finishing the film off. so im gonna be disappointed. cant remember whats on the start of the film tho. can you tell im just rambling? maybe ill go and work on my alife project. but one more thing. ill treat you considering you read all of that crap. ever wondered why my webpage is titled untitled? i bet youre gonna feel so much better for knowing this. its what it says when you load up notepad. it greets you everytime. so hey. why not. pointless waste of both of our times huh? sorry. haha.

11.12.2002: yknow. ive got really nice colour eyes today. so there.

11.12.2002: this is gonna be a rubbish post im afraid. its gonna be like. hey i did this. then i did this. then this happened. then we did this. but whatever. i cant make this interesting all the time hey? its like wednesday. shit. that makes me angry for so many reasons. i dunno if i can be bothered to write. i need to get the internet of nick. i cant remember the last time i fucking had it. anyway. ive been really ill. this is the first time ive used my computer since. umm. i dunno. at least two days. maybe more. ive been trying not to ..cut down on the headaches. etc. that sounds terrible doesnt it? means work has been going really slow. i should be worried. i need to get papers and stuff for my essay. maybe if i just go and see rachael tomorrow itll be okay. or something. fuck. i feel real bad cos ive missed a lot of lectures and seminars recently. doesnt look good. i was gonna be making it up but ive been way too ill to get out of bed. i havnt even really slept. monday night was all repetative half-dreams. last night was really feverish. i was having really hot sweats. thats gross i know. but still. im surprised at how clean i feel today. aimees in the shower tho. so yeah. ache like fuck. damnit. so. just after i finished writing on saturday simon came round. bens old old housemate. he was dropping off his shopping and then going back into town to meet people. so i went with him into town. we got food. yumm. then met ben and then picola and tom in the ferkin. but its so amazing in town at the moment. especially down the south lanes. all christmasy. lights hanging from everywhere. and it smells amazing. like apple and cinnamon. its beautiful. its like being in harry potter. and then walking into the font and ferkin. its an old church. its just too cool. they were playing cornershop. and then my iron lung. and good madonna. weird. it was just comfortable. i actually feel asleep for a bit. i dunno if anyone noticed. probably. falling asleep listening to radiohead and ben laughing. haha. i had a chocolate and peanut butter milkshake. the girl was getting really angry with the peanut butter. amatuer. but hey.. it was quite nice. it was a bit much in the end tho. it was like eating twenty reese peanut butter cups. for real. and in this one shop theyre selling this santas sleigh thing with reindeer that runs along this little track thing. um. that makes no sense. wait. its like a rail that you can attach to the wall or your christmas tree or whatever. and then the sleigh goes round and round. with flashing noses and shit. its well cool. well i dunno if cool is the word. but still. whatever. i bought some more christmas present. but yeah. everyone came back to our house for a bit of a party. played cards a lot. or twice. i cant remember. simon had bought everyone these crazy pet things. tom and ben get dinosaur things that fight. crazyness. and we played the game were you have someones name on your head and you have to guess who you are. i had christina cant spell her last name and mum-ra. the first one was easy. the game got a bit shit tho cos people just give really obvious clues away. like being told your name has a parent in it. for fuck sake. anyway. it was a good night. aimees little sis was down as well. so sunday was spent watching kerrang and mtv2. haha. matts van broke down so they didnt leave for ages. i dont think i did much on sunday. got my alife project working a bit better. but somethings still a bit wrong. its hard cos you cant actually see the solutions. just their results. so it might be totally not working. whatever. then monday i went shopping again. finished off presents for my parents. i ended up spending more money on myself tho. got the audioslave album. is rage against the machine basically. without zach. im still trying to get used to the singer. but it is really stoner. or something. new sigor ros album. not listened to it yet. then sam kieth is doing a new zero girl series. full circle. the first issue is amazing. no really. i always thought zero girl was just alright. obviously never gonna be the maxx. but the new stuff is really really good. got chinese again. humph. then sat around playing flashback with tom. got to a new level. and watching aeon flux. then ben made some subtle comment about watching videos all night. which meant he wanted to go the quiz. so we legged it out.. and guess what?!? we actually came third. so bens six cans of beer better off. it was a good quiz. but then i started feeling a bit ill. and then tuesday i spent all day in bed. okay. i got up at five and had a shower. then went back to bed. woke up again at nine feeling more shit than shit and went downstairs and hung out a bit. then went to bed again. and now im back where i started. so. what now? i really want to go to bombay aloo. yeah man. but not on my own. no. and i gotta clean my room. its a bit minging. okay. whatever. if you want to see an amazing intro to a website check out this. i have no idea what it actually is. its all in foriegn. but hey. whatever.

7.12.2002: i dont wanna work anymore. my alife projects going okay tho. and wumpus world is all but written up. my maths has direction. however my animal intelligence essay does not. i wanna have a shower but i just trashed bens bedroom for pushing infront of me in the shower queue. now im scared hell do the same back.. so i might wait till he goes to see his sister or something. it wasnt a major trashing. just matress against the wall. duvet half out the window. cds all over bed. draws mixed up. tapes all over the floor. tshirts over the matress. i flipped all his cd singles cd round to the right way. etc. didnt take long to clear up. but still.. it felt good. and it was well funny when ben came upstairs and i had a go at him. 'what are you gonna do?' ..shortly followed by argh. haha. so we went to the funky buddah lounge on wednesday night. had a few drinks at this really nice pub near the girls house. was well nice. then went to grubbs on the way. yumm. the music was kinda dull for ages. and i started getting a headache. and didnt really like the people there. but then i had a dance and felt a bit better. it was crafty cuts. he really pulled it out at the end though. played some quality. still fucking walked home though. didnt even sit on the damn beach. one day tho. ey? ..yeah.. the girls invited me round for dinner. so last night i went round their house armed with a mango and coconut. considering recent events it was all a bit weird i think.. but yknow.. ignoring that it was well nice of them. they did mexican as well. was good. sat around watching fame academy. shouldnt really have bothered. although the girl did that amazing blondie song. no not dreaming. one way. taught becca how to eat mango. blah. then some more people came round. emma the swedish girl from the other night minus wig and some guys. it seems to be everyones birthday. yeah. we went to mr scruff. it was okay. hes been better but he played some amazing dub reggae business. i only managed to say a few stupid things and one really bad one. relating to embaressing photos. hey.. i cant help it. its not like it was what i meant to say. anyway. that and defjam and biscuit. but yknow. youd be surprised how hard it is to find a coconut. theyd sold out at sainsburies so i went to the open market. the guy told me they had them at the pet shop so i bought two. obviously they were really mank. especially inside. so nevermind. but yeah. it was kinda weird going out with a group of girls.. but not that weird. so there you go. they told me theyd bumped into nicola and shed said i was really scared. id dis her for it but yknow ..id feel rude. as if tho. all i said was that it was a bit ..yknow.. awkward. cos of stuff. so it coulda bin smoother. but hey.. none of thats my problem right? not at all. hands up those people who have understood what i was just saying? ..? no one?! oh well. sorry. i suck at writing i know. thats why i do it too much. i suck at drawing too. heres something i drew.

okay. well. it was gonna be three panels. but i realised i cant draw properly. i can keep scribbling till it looks right. so doing expressions is kinda hard. i didnt mean to do this anyway. i was just bored and messing around seeing what looks good and stuff. its hard to create panels when messing around yknow.. you need more focus and direction. or something. the ..er.. 'punchline' was gonna be: 'yeah but.. why did he have an orange for head?' ..that is obviously funnier. but yknow. whatever. shut up. i dont care. maybe next time. it would take more work and stuff. im kinda going off the idea now. so yeah.. dont listen to me. im talking immense amounts of rubbish. im sure i was writing more interesting stuff several days ago.. weeks. or something. wheres sian anyway? weekends dont feel right without her. kinda sucks.. but hey. its the holidays soon. unless shes working on a pig/cow/sheep/dog/buffalo farm. humph.

4.12.2002: well im suffering from headaches. i had a really bad one through all of jamies kitchen last night. then i woke up early this moring with one. it was really bad. so i munched down some neurophen. neurofen? whatever. it kinda went but i ended up missing my lectures. we went out to the gloucster again last night. thats not the reason that i didnt go tho.. to my lectures like.. i really need to start my alife project but have real trouble using the computer. yknow ive typed all of this so far with my eyes closed. the keys feel so much.. i duinno.. more there.. when youve got your eyes shut. you can really feel them. yknow. it wasnt as good last night as the week before. and no he didnt play under my umbrella or down (pitchshifter). or atari teenage riot. but then.. im not too surprised about that. so. hows my typing? any good considering im not looking? when i open my eyes im gonna find that my fingers were a whole key to the right of where i thought they were and none of this is gonna make any sense. haha. yeah. so. that film was kinda beautiful. the plot wasnt amazing yknow. it was good. i enjoyed it. but it didnt feel too complete and i didnt like the end and it didnt really explain some stuff very well. but it does look fucking amazing. and no one can say it rips of the matrix. considering its by the guy who did ghost in the shell. which the matrix ripped off so badly. especially the intro sequence. fuckers. but anyway. its muyo good looking. what did everyone think of minority report? i think a lot of people didnt like it but i definately did. so there. i say this cos its just come out on dvd. avalons out as well already. but not over here. and i bet donnie darko is out soon too. crazy. i got my stuff from amazon. its been delivered to rugby tho. pain. i should have sorted that out. but nevermind. i ordered the new designers republic book too. it was only a tenner. wheres my blue tac? white tac? this is the worst news entry ive done in ages. sorry. oh. this is good. me and tom went to bombay aloo yesterday. its an all you can eat vege curry house. fucking amazing is all i can say. okay the curries are a bit watery and theyre not really birmingham standard. but they tasted so good. and you could have all of them. and samosas and popadoms. and everything. chapatis. and the daal was so good. yeah man. ive got this robot dude i ripped out of the guardian thing and i gotta scan it. i wanna know what its from. i think its some game or something. shame you cant put pictures into search engines. shit. thatd be far out. robots rock. etc. should i start my java from scratch or adapt from my other stuff? hmmm? hmmmmmmm? ..whatever.. sians got a weekend job. does anyone but me see how much that sucks? oh well. nevermind. the girl who works in shakeaway was at the gloucster last night. she was making me really want a milkshake. and there was this girl who looks really like tanya donelly. but crossed with.. um. wait i know this one. someone. whatever. argh. i hate headaches. they fucking suck. fuck fuck fuck. at least it made me clean my room. trying to not use the computer or watch tv. its kinda hard tho.. yknow. its not like i play games on it or anything. this is what i do. i do creative stuff right? ..tom said i had a lot of hobbies. that made me happy. sam kieth has a new zero girl mini series coming out. sceptical? i dunno. it was okay i guess.. but.. i dunno. that appliance ep is amazing. the one with slow roller on. amazing. yes. okay whatever. ive obviously got nothing worth while to say.

01.12.2002: okay. instead of doing work i created another popup window. yeah yeah. fuck me im an asshole. ive got eleven of them now. but i really like this one. its better than the last boids one. i really like it. and if you think you recognise any of it.. well.. the robot is obviously from crash and burn. no its not tanyas eye however. its emma from caoine.org. i just needed a really good eye and i remembered there were some good photos on her site. i feel a bit weird about using it actually.. perhaps i shouldnt have said. it would freak me out if i went to some random persons site and theyd used part of my face in a picture. whatever. it was a really really good photo. respect to that. the other eye and all the hair is martin. good ol martin. then i also used a photo of corey but you cant tell at all. its what i started with tho.. if you take that photo out it looks totally different. the words mean nothing. and thats all i used. click me click me click me.

so.. after all that ill start my work right? well. yeah. but me and tom are going to see avalon at the duke of york. hell yeah. its gonna be amazing. totally. id hate me too. dont worry.

01.12.2002: another thing. dont dance while chewing gum. i did that last tuesday. idiot. hmm. so its sunday again. the party was.. well yeah.. it was good. it was interesting especially. i dont think i can really say much about it tho. i cant think of many people who i could give a full account of it too without causing trouble of some sort or another. i heard ben come out of his room the next morning.. so i rush to my door and hes standing outside with this crazy expression on his face. 'uh oh' he said. it was the funniest thing. haha. but yeah. the music was well good. i was chuffed. and my hair was pretty cool too. thanks to lux for doing that. it was like bjorks but bigger. crazy party hair. at least i made an effort. and ben was looking pretty hot with this surfer shirt and chest hair. haha. slugging his bottles of wine. etc. well good party. eventful at least. i spent most of the night talking to this swedish girl who really reminded me of an old internet friend ..charlotte. i well wanna get in touch with her but.. i have no means. i remembered this morning how she once said she often wakes up with her hand on her belly but doesnt realise its hers. its just nice i guess. hmmm. saffron. theres a photo of her on my website somewhere. can someone say peekaboo? but yeah. aimee and nicola kept having a go at me for chatting up this other girl all night.. and i mean. as if. its not my fault if all the ladies wanna talk to me. um. um. but yeah. that kinda irratated me how they saw it like that. but whatever. i hardly even actually talked to her. so fuck that. but yeah. had i not been kinda ill i would have been really drunk. i guess having a cold kinda saved me. in a sense. i ran out of ginger wine. me tom and emma finished off the punch. then emma kept giving me rum. and people kept giving me wine. oh man i ate way too many fizzy cola bottles. the carrots ran out quite early. they had roses hanging from the kitchen ceiling. that was really nice. it was like that advert with the woman walking through the feng shui garden thing. um. or whatever. was nice. they did the house up really well. yeah. then nick threw the whole plastic box of popcorn all over the kitchen. it was kinda funny. but yknow. there was popcorn everywhere. you cant understand how much popcorn one of those boxes can hold. big boxes. it went off. i left so late. cos i wanted to take my computer but didnt wanna cut the music before the party finished. dont people do stupid things when theyre drunk tho? people should go the toilet more. i always find its a little bubble of sobriety. just makes you think properly. takes your thought out of the party context. we were gonna go round on saturday and often to help clear up. it was in such a state. but thought better of it. the girls were all pretty drunk and stuff. if they had any sense they woulda just stayed in bed all day. i couldnt wake up to that. but yeah. instead me and ben went into town for apple pie. well i did. ben just followed. then milkshake turned into staring out to sea. that was amazing. the sea is just. evil as fuck. its a never ending darkness. scares the hell out of me. on a winter day. then that turned out to walking down the pier. that turned into sitting on the pier. for what.. a very long time. the nights come fast round these parts. we went for coffee. pissing rain. then just went from one place to the next. it was weird. and we ended up going to the joint. i guess we just didnt want to go home. it was okay but neither of us were really up for it and the music wasnt as good as it normally was. it was kinda weird. too damn alternative. not even me or ben had heard of nearly any of it. damn indies. but yeah. the grubbs on the way home was very nice. then i watched wwf when i got in. well nick nicola and lux were kinda watching it. mysterio was on. and yknow.. however crap and lame wrestling is... you cant dis the guys talents. hes like poetry in motion. its like ballet in the ring. or something. yeah. then i went to bed and my ceiling started leaking again. argh. it didnt drip for too long but the amount of water thats in the bucket now is insane. so. yeah. it was a good wasted day yesterday. it was kinda necessary i guess. and the morals or this story? what did we learn from the party? id like to pass the mic.. but all id get would be 'fuck off laurence'. haha. so. who knows. it was good tho. i feel in a kinda artistic mood today but ive got work to do. lots of work. ive really been putting that shit off. i need to pick an essay for my animal machine intelligence module. argh. and i should start my artificial life project. thats gonna be good tho. i hope. *hope*. im pretty confident i can do it pretty quickly. considering my programming skills crossed with the the genetic engine ive already got. ill have it up and running quickly. i just.. yeah.. wanna chill out and draw stuff. need to shake crazy memories of friday night from my head. haha. and i bet im not the only one.

29.11.2002: so yeah. party tonight. i feel sick. having flu dreams all night. same damn thing over and over. i was reading an online comic. not getting it. clicking next. not getting that one. they got weirder and weirder. this went on all night. ug. i feel so bad. but im hardcore. ill work something out. i was supposed to meet becca an hour and a half ago. nevermind. we went out for curry last night. went to the bombay. or something. loads of us. i had a korma and it was actually really good. almost up to birmingham quality. but not quite. it was cool tho. felt really good to go to an indian. i came home straight after. then ben got in. on his own. which was weird cos they all went to a pub. hmmm. what had happened was he had left his bag at the pub and realised when he got to the bus stop. so he went back to the pub and then couldnt be bothered to walk back to the bus stop just to find everyone had gone. so he got a taxi. we then heard other people getting back so he hid in his room and told me not to tell them he was in. so aimee comes up the stairs. hey aimee. wheres ben? did he do something stupid like leave his bag in the restuarant (note clever lack of accuracy) ..theres a snigger from bens room. so they waited for ben and missed about three buses. they missed the last bus and ended up getting a taxi. so ben must be feeling pretty guilty by now. so i have this really loud conversation with aimee about ben and he keeps laughing in his room. it was well funny. then i suggest to nicola that she rings his phone to see if hes alright. haha. but he managed to silence it or something. humph. why do i feel so ill? damn it. bullshit. anyway. i need some rice pudding. rice pudding.

28.11.2002: okay its true. i am hardcore. believe or it. so we were sitting around just chilling on the old tuesday night. ben falling asleep on the sofa. tom waiting around in the vain hope that people will stop watching tv and allow us to play megadrive. random people watching football. anyway. the phone rings and its cliff for me. theyre going to the gloucster and do i want to come? well. im kinda tired and no one else in my house is at all interested or in any kinda condition where i might even slightly be able to convince them. so i tell him no and go back downstairs. so im sitting there drinking my barcardi and smoothie (no it wasnt nice) and im like. maybe i should go. after all i have wanted to go for so long. it is free. drinks are cheap. the girls are cheaper. so i decide to make my mind up after finishing what was left of my vodka after saturday night. that just about sets me up. so i run upstairs and just catch cliff before they leave their house. i quickly get changed into my dirtiest and hipest clothes and just manage to catch the bus. the gloucster here we come. it just feels weird walking into a club without paying. the bouncers barely even acknowledge you. damn rock nights. the goths will be carrying knives. the rockers will be carrying drugs. the metallers will be smelling. me? i was armed to the teeth dosed up to the eyeballs and smelling like roses. i dont know where im going with this story. but nevermind. i wander around wondering why the sum41 song theyre playing is sounding so damn appealing. i like this club. and then cliff and james arrived. but i didnt realise exactly how badly i had been wanting to go to the gloucster. it was nothing short of amazing. i needed to dance to badly. its hard to explain how or why i get off on it so much. its almost better than sex. its laurences drug of choice. i was a god on the dance floor. but you know its bad. and in the morning you muscles have come undone and reconnected to the wrong places. that three hours of cutting shapes on the dance floor really takes its toll on your body. yknow i even managed to dance properly to a certain shade of green. and they played glassjaw. and some crazy drum and bass metal stuff. that was just amazing. the dj even apologised in advance when he played avril lavinge and said he would never play it again if no one danced. i was kinda hoping it would turn into the video with people being ground against the floor and shakey cameras and helicopters and shit. but nevermind. yknow its like. um.. ironic. and stuff. but its supposed to be a rock night for fuck sake. i asked him if he had time to play mad capsules but he didnt. it was like ten to closing time. nevermind. and i was nearly well rude to this girl. i was waiting at the bar for ages and me and cliff were joking about how it was taking me ages to get served. then this girl said that girls always get served first cos they have boobs. i pointed out to her that it wasnt just the boobs. for a minute she was gonna enquire further but she realised i was weird and left. its me who is the weird one in the rock club? and there was this girl who looked scarily like one of sians old house mates. i found out today that it was actually the same girl who lives with becca who also looks scarily like sians old house mate. how i didnt make the connection i dont know. beccas house is having a party on friday and she asked me for help with the lights and music. yay. so were carting down all my lighting stuff (makes me sound kinda pro that) and my computer with all the songs they want playing and stuff. if their tvs got video in then she wants my evo art stuff on the tv as well. check me out. almost makes me feel important. i feel better if my body had recovered. i did get up at half seven after going to bed at half three. spent all day at uni and didnt really nap. hardcore. that would be what i was refering to at the start of this entry. i guess. my dad bought me this game years ago. so long ago i cant remember. and i found it a few years back but there were no rules with it and i couldnt work it out at all. anyway. i was talking to good ol jo the other night and shes doing an ai program thing on it. so she pointed me in the direction of the rules. now after all these years ive got this urge to play it. i even sat in the maths tea room and tore the pieces out of some graph paper to play tom and ben. not in that order. me and tom worked out that games can last so long that someone is willing to make a move in order to lose. i guess were good enough to know how to not lose but not good enough to work out how to win against what we knew about not losing. that makes no sense. i want a shower to make my shoulders feel better. word. etc. yeah. blah. thursday. um. whatever. that was an okay shower but i need radox. hmmm.

26.11.2002: i need to run a lexical analysis condensor program on this page. does one exist? anyway. we came fourth in the quiz. fucking damnit. so close. we didnt get that 'study cheapens boobs' was a beach boys album anagram. but we did get that the song linda hamilton did was used for the theme tune of cell block h. how ben guessed that i dont know. we werent gonna go but ben got home at about half eight and i mentioned it. he was like. no im way too tired.. i was just about to drop it when he accidently said that he did kinda wanna go. so after that it was just a matter of him putting his coat on and me dragging him out the door. i really need to use the internet but nick has got it and the fuckers asleep. why the fuck do they never put the widget out when they finish with it at night. grrrr. im sitting here opening peoples mail. they dont live here anymore and were only gonna bin it. we have no forwarding address. if i open it and its really important then i can act on it and sort it out. that and im just nosey. its not like its personal mail anyway. woah. this girl has gone over his overdraft limit. woah. and this other guy has just recieved a notice of intended litigation. debt recovery management. he owes a lot of money. well. if people will insist on using their uni address as a permanent address and then not change it.. william gibson has a new book coming out next year. set in the present day. weird huh? so. i just archived from before november. and its still huge. i also pasted all the news ever into word to run some statistics:

so there you go. 60000 words. surely thats a bit of joke. oh well. i suppose the page and line count depend on font size.. but still. nevermind.

25.11.2002: its a month to christmas. and the weather is amazing considering. i worked out why da funk is so good. yknow the daft punk song. its at the perfect walking speed. and you know what else? bee hives have dance floors. this is true. they have special floor areas where they dance. truth. its to do with leading other bees to where the good food is. so i went into town again. i thought there was something wrong with my weeble clock but it was just me being stupid. now i kinda tarnished (is that at all the right word?) the top bit. fucker. anyway. it wobbles. and i bought some new cds. the atari teenage riot cd. just rare stuff and shit. well nice box tho. in a tin. and the new fila brazillia ep. thats really good. oh and i got the second dilated peoples cd for six quid. i went to see aimee at work too. i hadnt had breakfast so i had this mozerella baquette and this almond thingydo. she said shed get it for me. which is just wicked. and no its not stealing. its just not. and i had a good seminar today. there was only three people in it (rather than the usual eight or something) so i actually got to say stuff and feel clever rather than stupid. gotta pick an essay for animal and machine intelligence. any ideas anyone? well fuck you all then. i was trying to work the other day but one of my house mates was orgasming over and over again for about half an hour. its hard to work when all you can hear are screams and cries coming from the next room. over and over. i didnt realise anyone could actually be that loud. someone was on the phone at the bottom of the stairs as well. the person on the other end must have been able to hear. no names. no names. this was at about six. i should have just gone and watched the simpsons but i still woulda been able to hear. think of an atari teenage riot song (no not death star). now replace the drums with squeak and creak samples and whenever anyone shouts you put in really loud orgasm noises. now think of an atari teenage riot album. okay im just being rude now. ben is kinda lucky he was out (oh man now you know that it wasnt ben.. damnit). what are they feeding that girl? but anyway. yes. i got bored and drew some crap last night. i really want a graphics tablet now.

why have i even put them on my website? i dunno. look hes blue and wearing a pink shirt. definately worth an ass whooping. i think the woman is sad because she has (in the words of benish) and humongous ass. okay. hands up who wants me to archive this page again? hmmmm. perhaps. i wonder what is the chance of us going the quiz tonight? hmmm. probably very slim. dunno where ben is but he seems to be with his sister the whole time ..and not at uni.. so i guess he has all the work in the world. well if i was a bee id want a dance floor too.

24.11.2002: sheesh. um. oh i dunno. guess what? i got a letter from birmingham uni congratulating me on my degree and they awarded me the school prize again. yay to that. makes you sick huh? well i think i earned that check. haha. anyway enough of me being an ass. sian came this weekend and we did loads of stuff. etc. so.. im sitting here drinking sasperilla. i really fancied it. im just bored. sundays suck. but yeah. we went out for a meal on friday night. went to food for friends. i think its probably my favourite restuarant in brighton. a v means vegan. you gotta love that. i had this amazing mushroom and chestnut steamed pudding mash winter veg thing. well good. we had a wonder down the sea front. its was vicious. waves everywhere. ive never seen the sea so evil. we tried to go down the pier but it was just too weathery. got a bit wet. but nevermind. then we went to the mash ton and after a while met tom and becca and then ben. or was it ben. then tom and becca. that sounds more right. it was well nice tho. was kinda rammed in there but it was a friday night. got the bus home. then on saturday went into town. bought loads of stuff. loads. and a chocolate fudge brownie milkshake. i got the peaches album. couldnt resist. it was cheap and dirty. etc. um. and the most amazing thing was issue 1/2 of the maxx. i just never thought id ever actually get it. quite very cool. then i bought various christmas presents. and stuff for sian. blah. im so bored. someone come and rescue me. got the bus back and got chinese. that chinese is amazing. its called kums if youre ever in the area. as if. then went back into town to the ali cats. was busy in there too but we eventually got a table. we nearly went out but the core club was a shit night and the joint too. i wasnt gonna have another sixties night out. so home via grubbs. man. i dont belive i won the school prize again. it totally made my day yesterday. its just.. too fucking cool. happy happy. i feel like buying toys. maybe ill buy a ..whasitcalled. squeaky? thing. aw fuck it. whatever its called. maybe ill buy one of them. yeah. i was watching tv earlier and the tv changed channel on its own. it changed to pop. yknow. hosted by lauren laverne and hundred reasons were playing live. weirdness. it was kinda good. something else cool. if you search for evolutionary art youll see im number eight on the list with my bham uni page. woo. and if you search for evoart im seventh on the list with my geocities site. if you search for laurence ashmore then it really goes off. i know this is really sad but i find it quite exciting. haha. anyway. at the top is my evoart results page at geocities (thats kinda lame but nevermind). then my vr project. then the examples of students work page at bham uni with my evoart project and phil. then just below that you actually get my website. about fucking time that started to show up. yay. although it is a link to the old index thats now been replaced with the emo corp shenanigans. the peaches say 'fuck the pain away'. ooh. batman of the future is on in five minutes. its rubbish but ive been craving cartoons all day. i watched an hour of justice league earlier and it wasnt that great. oh well. im sure ive done loads of stuff to tell you about this weekend. wait. its coming to me. ive got a not particulary good monet in my room. so i postcarded over the glass. im really chuffed with the result.

it looks a lot better than that honest. i need a better digital camera. maybe that could be a christmas present. i dunno. i could really do with one actually. hmmm yes. in the toilet in ali cats there were all these round silver stickers. i pulled them off the wall but i got now idea what theyre for. i spent ages this morning trying to prise them off my bus pass. oh well.

20.11.2002: okay. so where is ben? i probably shouldnt be ..but i am a little worried. the last time i saw him was yesterday morning at 7:30. well i didnt see him. i was trying to get him out of bed for his lecture with zero success. hm. suzzez. looks nice. but yeah. he wasnt in lectures all day and he hadnt come home by eight. we went to see harry potter. when we got back in i dont think he was in. cos his door was still open a little like how he left it (and his door is the only door that shuts properly) and his stereo was still on. its still on now and his room looks the same. thats quite weird tho right? i guess he may have gone back to his sisters and stuff but i dunno. ben can look after himself anyway. so yeah. i realised earlier that i havnt bought any music for ages. the last thing i bought was the roots manuva compilation thing. and before that dialeted peoples cos it was cheap and then the sleater kinney album when it came out. is this wrong? have i forgotten somethign? who knows. but anyway. saw the best episode of futurama yesterday. missed the start but i think fry was having bad luck and was trying to find his old even leaf clover. it kept having flashbacks of before he was frozen and he was hanging out with his brother who was always copying him and he really hated it. but he found the seven leaf clover and could do stuff his brother couldnt cos he wasnt as lucky. so he hid the seven leaf clover in this safe inside the breakfast club soundtrack. on vinyl. haha. cos his brother was trying to steal it off him. anyway. they went down into old new york (its under the surface ..like the sewers) and they went back to his old house but it wasnt in the safe and his brother had stolen it. cant remember the order but they found stuff out about his brother and hed changed his name to frys name and done loads of amazing things. like been the first man on mars and had loads of money and women and be in this band and stuff. so fry was really angry cos it should have been him that did it. so they went to dig up his brothers grave to get the seven leaf clover back. anyway. it turns out that it wasnt his brother that had changed his name but hed had a son and named it after his lost brother and given him the seven leaf clover. it was really good. but yeah. harry potter. i well liked it. i think its my least favourite out of the books but i think it was better than the first film. tom really hated dobby but i thought he was well good. the only thing is that the books get bigger and bigger as they go on but the films cant get longer. so they miss more out. they dont explain the whole ginny harry potter thing very well. they kinda ignore it at the end. little bits like that. tom thought ginny was well fit. in an avril way apparently. um. maybe tom would like me to keep that to myself. i cant believe that in the end it was avril lavinge that knocked tenacious d of the kerrang top ten requested video. kerrang. shit man. haha. but the film was pretty good. but then i am biased cos its harry potter. all you suckers who havnt read all four books really should sort that out. had a cheese and peanut butter grubbs on the way home. yum. i should clean my room cos sian is coming tomorrow. she should be coming tonight but nevermind. i had another really bad chase dream last night. this one was really hardcore. and really really damn long. im not answering the phone cos theres also a phone in nicolas room and i know nick is in. i cant remember the start all that well but after a while we were on this train. i remember this guy kept trying to get in through the windows so i kept shooting him but we ran out of bullets. and the people on the train didnt really know what was going on. we locked the door at the end of the carriage but the people kept unlocking it. so i told them they were gonna die if they opened it. we had to get off the train before it go to the station cos these guys were gonna be there waiting and the guys in the next carriage could get off as well. so we were trying to smash this window open enough to fit people through. i cant believe quite how loud nick is playing nirvana. its a fucking joke man. its louder than it would be if i was playing it myself in my room. but anyway. i think we managed to jump off the train and get back to this house were we had all this shit stored. this was from earlier in the dream but its too hazy to remember it all. we had all these guns and were running round trying to shoot the bad guys but there were too many of them. someone who i was with had rigged this car thing with this mamba bomb which would totally kill everyone. i told you it was really hardcore. it was horrible. but the button wasnt working and the car needed more power. it needed to be hooked up to this generator but then it would be no good. so i drove around in this buggy trying to find shit we needed but as i drove it got smaller and smaller. i went to the market but the guy was telling me to get potatos for his tea. this really pissed me off cos i nearly got caught. crazy image tho. me driving through a market being chased by men in crazy suits. then i was driving round this mall trying to find this green ball things. id been in there before but it was kinda hard going up and down stairs. um. driving round a mall in a little buggy vehicle. this reminds of a really bad video on mtv. i really hope theyre unrelated. so i was driving throught he chinese bit and the main guy was getting really close. so i ditched the buggy and started running through the crowds but suddenly everyone recognised me and started beating on me and pushing me into this van. i was supposed to have done some insanely bad thing. i dunno. i was gonna blow the whole city. but yknow. whatever. but then this guy starting shouting about me being innocent. cos if i wasnt then no one was. and everyone was crying and shit. it was really horrible. but nevermind. whatever. haha. that last five hundred words made no sense to anyone. sorry.

19.11.2002: i should probably try and do stuff in order. its hard yknow. okay. crazy things going on. i spent a good number of hours on monday in hospital. some relation of a friend was in a car accident in the morning. found out while on the way into uni. so i went up to the hospital with them so they werent on their own waiting for her to come out of theatre. they were okay. she was in the back seat with no seatbelt and they had a head on collision with another car going round a corner. they said they thought the woman driving the other car had fallen asleep at the wheel. so a broken hip joint is quite a lucky out come really. i hate cars. theyre one of my biggest dislikes. they say its not guns that kill people. that rings even more hollow when applied to cars. the marina looks amazing from that side of brighton. the side you can see it from like. it looks like the huge curving wall cutting through the sea. i can almost picture it rising up to be this huge.. huge thing. it would look amazing. but yeah. it was a bit of a weird morning. i had a seminar at four so i got the bus into uni. i was gonna miss it but i was presenting the paper this week. i was a little late and found out i was actually missing a large part of the paper but i made my excuses and apologised and she was really nice about. i like have good seminar tutors. they really rock. trailer park jesus is an amazing song. listen to it. aw man. more about that later. so i waited ages for the bus cos the 25c doesnt run when school finishes. i sat at the top on my own. empty bus. the bus route goes down to the sea front and across past the pier. it was amazing. the sun was so low for 3pm. the waves under the pier were blue and orange. there was this huge rainbow sky. with a corridor of cloud stretching down to the horizon. you really have to live here to appreciate it. i mean.. you can just walk around and its quite nice. but every now and again everything kinda rotates and slots into its perfect place. all the different bits align and you get this incredible ..thing. even through a murky bus window. the traffic was a nightmare. so when the bus was moving it was going kinda fast. it went hurtling around this corner where there was woman standing right on the corner. she was facing the other way so she couldnt have really seen it coming. i was sitting on the top corner so i had the worst view. it was fucking inches away from her. literally. i wasnt liking that. does anyone know why buses have blue lights above the luggage rack at the front? they all have it and no one notices it. what is that about? and have you noticed that the pattern on the ceiling is always leaves? hmm? yknow. the drum in dissolved girl really sounds like a heartbeat. so after my seminar i rush home. cook the quickest and best pasta i ever did do and ate it in thirty seconds or something. got my computer packed and left the house. talked to my mum all the way into town which was nice. there was a massive fire in rugby. you know you get those pick shopping park things. with comet and do it all and tescos and carpet world. etc. well the one in rugby went up. started in carpet world and spread to do it all. all the paint cans were exploding. it didnt quite make its way to pet world. that would have just been horrible. my parents were in currys or something at the time and the whole place was evacuated. they said the flames were four times the height of the buildings. and they could feel the heat in the car from the main road. woah. fucking insane man. and two green godesses turned up to put it out. dont talk to me about the fire fighters. so i found my way to the sumo bar and waited for ages drinking my cappucino. nice place. then met some guy and talked about evolutionary art and stuff. went up this place and watched this guys scratch microphones across tables and play background samples and stuff. for forty five minutes. they were well into it. so yknow. it just doesnt ring my bell. and its not music. its noise. lets be honest now. but it was interesting. then we went back to the sumo bar and set up the projector and got my evoulationary art animation rocking on the ceiling. it would have been better on the wall but theyre all red and needed to be white. so yknow. i would have liked it to look a bit better. but nevermind. but i talked to lots of people which was pretty cool. some people are just too clever tho yknow. but i enjoyed it. if i ever have to explain cgp again im gonna go mad. there were some well nice people tho. i dont know what i was really expecting from it. but at least some people have been saying hi to me around the cogs building. okay. and it was cool that friends my course came down. and aimee and lux. and ben came as well. it was cool. then i had a seminar on tuesday morning about the baldwin effect. now i spent a while thinking it over and decided i had a pretty good grasp on it. i was happy with it. then after the seminar i had a bit of a think and now i really disagree with it. i want to talk to some biology people who know it properly cos i swear its just a load of rubbish. well. not rubbish. but i dont really agree with it at all. ive nearly finished my wumpus world project. its pretty decent i reckon. i reckon. yep. then i felt like i needed to do something. so we went out to some homely pub and then to the escape. it was indie night. so it was full of indies. obviously. they played some good music. haha. they even played defconone. it was a woman dj which is weird. shouldnt be weird but it was so shut up. um. semi nice place tho. yeah. went to gut buster on the way back and had an overpriced and well nice egg sarnie. yummness. then we had a bit of a heated debate about iraq. someone was saying that we should just go in and bomb them cos of all the bad shit they do and are gonna do. so me and lux were like.. um okay. so heres my two cents. you cant just go and bomb someone just incase theyre gonna bomb you. which is just bullshit anyway. no one really knows anything. the media controls everything. all you know about the situation is what they say. its all just propaganda and its all about money. you just cant let fear control your judgement. and no. half of iraq dont want us to bomb them. that would just be.. stupid. tony blair needs to shut the fuck up and stop going along with america. no one agrees with their shit at all. and if you wanna go on about iraq being terrorists and shit. then you need to look at what america does every year and no one over here cares. because its america. you cant just bomb people cos theyre different. and who is anyone to say whether another country is right or wrong. no one can be that arrogant. apart from me. but its not like im gonna force people to do what i think is right by threatening them with bombs. idiots. war is just terrorism with a bigger budget. i obscenity in the milk of you all. oh and my mushroom dinner the other day was really really really good. if you wondering. the secret ingredient when doing mushrooms is tamari. truth. and theyre well good with pinenuts and mozzerella. pepper and sweetcorn. yum. spicy mushrooms. i wish id had some cream or something and i coulda made a creamy mushroom sauce. yum. okay. so tonight we will see harry potter.

18.11.2002: just a quick note to say that reese peanut butter pieces really are all that.

17.11.2002: i keep having dreams where im travelling between two places and have to stop off somewhere or go somewhere in between. and its always this place that looks like a cross between china and russia. in some crazy stereotypical way. but its an amazing place. and ive been there by train and plane now. there was some joke on the plane about spilling slush puppies increases the change of crashing during landing. i guess they either hate kids spilling slush puppies or they crashed once and the only thing different during the landing was that some kid spilled their slush puppy. what the hell are people doing giving slush puppies to kids anyway? especially their own. evilness. the train was an amazing journey. did i describe this already? im sure i did but then i cant find it below. it was snowing and the buildings were amazing. then that was that massive waterfall than went along side the road. that makes no sense to anyone but me. but last night it was really foggy and you could see the tips of buildings and distant mountains. like some stylised cartoon. it felt really real as well. hmmmm. anyway. mushroom time.

16.11.2002: zero days. terrible. i havnt been busy. had an okay day tho. so get this. someone had switched the washing machine off at the wall. i know this sounds obvious. but theyre always connected round the back and are always on etc. well. they are in my world. i went into town. bought lots of comics cos i felt like reading comics. havnt read comics in ages. it felt good to be able to waste money with such reckless abandon. dont hate me for it. ive been budgeting really well and havnt got through half of my money and am past halfway through term. i bought a turkish delight milkshake and headed for the beach. damn that milkshake was good. the beach was amazing. i was sitting there for ages. the sky was just.. i dunno. incredible. and i was looking around at people and no one had seemed to notice. it pains me. i wrote about it on my phone. check.

theres no join between the sea and sky. so there is no sea. at the edge of the beach is just sky and then clouds. clouds that look like the sea. its like were sitting on the end of the world. this bit of cloud up over there looks like steps into heaven. into a burst of rainbow surrounded by whispy clouds. it makes me want to cry that i cant put it into words how beautiful the sky is. inter-weaving shades and textures. subtle hue changes. the sky is its own berry number. it cant be described in any number of words.

whatever the fuck that means. but still. i wish i had had my camera. you never have it when you really want it. argh. im trying to find a project to do. nightmare. various ideas. but. argh. went to see harry potter. but it was sold out. so we saw red dragon instead. it was okay. anyway. my wrist really hurts.

16.11.2002: six days. fantastic. ive been busy. i met one deadline. i totally missed the other. i still havnt started the work. well. not really work. its a project spec and im still not sure what im doing for it. ill decide this weekend. honest. must do. etc. had a hard time last week getting everything done. started to get a really bad headache on wednesday. was a real fucker. trying to do work but it was just unbearable. then as the tea started to kick in and i felt a bit better i notice something really bad. i could hear this like.. scritching. behind me. by my bed. like there was some lil creature rumaging through my shopping bags. plastic bags. was really weird but i couldnt see anything. then i noticed that the noise was really regular. rhythm. wtf? then i notice that its water dripping from my ceiling. not slightly. not half assed. but properly dripping. all my stuff is getting wet. nightmare. so i call the landlord and he tells me hell call some builders but until then bucket it and check the attic. so i spent ages trying all my screwdrivers trying to find one good enough to be able to undo the screws on the locks. eventually i find a screwdriver in the house big enough to grip. thank you swiss army. but alas theres nothing i can really do in the loft to help. so im awake all night with this crazy chinese water torture. every time the wind blows hard i worry that my ceiling is gonna fall through and im gonna be drowned in five tonnes of dirty attic rain water. have pity. no really. but like i said. i got my maths done. i spent a lot of money at sainsburies. the mozzerela i bought had gone off. it was well within its sellbydate. but nevermind. bastards. humph. i spent hours going round shops trying to find my dad a birthday card. ruhbish. i ended up buying one just cos it was the best. but then aimee told me where there was a well good place in town. so im going there today. um. me and ben were walking back from uni last night. well. gone five. and i was telling him about complicated evolution stuff. like the bladwin effect and shit. anyway. this guy whos walking behind us calls us and says that were having an interesting conversation and asks if he can join in. its weird cos in birmingham we just got mugged. but whatever. he starts ranting about all this evolution stuff. hes got some good ideas but he just doesnt know enough biology and stuff. he doesnt know really what hes on about. but it was quite cool anyway. he was going on about where did dogs evolve from. and how come we still have monkeys. and how we were gonna evolve to be able to understand each other better. the real evolution. i couldnt really explain it to him but he was well nice. hmm. i watched the mtv europe awards the other night. it was pretty not that great. i thought it was quite bad when pink was going on about how its been so long since an artist came out with substance and real issues. talking about herself like. i mean. what the fuck? do these people only have eyes and ears from mtv? was she talking about the pop industry? man i dunno. as if shes got all that substance anyway. she needs to take a stroll into some record shops and open her eyes a little. pissed me off again how she didnt think linda perry when she won song of the year *again*. thank your band and god and shit. not that they wrote your damn songs. ho hum. why do i care anyway? i dont think i do. haha. at least royskopp won best video. and against primal scream and (oh i forget) as well. so yeah. i get up this morning and pile my stuff into the washing machine and its not working. maybe i overloaded it. its only my duvet cover and last nights clothes. on the way to the club last night ben was saying you can moan about the smell of other peoples food. i was just dissing the fact that some fish really stinks. for ages as well. thank god no one cooks fish in our house. im sorry but you so can complain. there are things you can do about it. for instance. i got woken up in the middle of the night. by whatever i dunno. anyway. all i could smell was the sickening stench of bacon. at fucking 5am tho. it made me nearly sick tho. nick doesnt have to fucking fry it. and then he could open the window or door or something. its a bit shit when it gets in your room which is a whole two floors up. anyway. whatever. im gonna start cooking really stinky shit until he makes some shit comment at me so i can fuck him up. where is this aggresion coming from? i just hate the smell of fried bacon. makes me vomit. its coming from that he just says really rude shit the whole time. and its not even funny. whatever. shut me up. im being a fucker. so. we went to the boutique last night. it was soulwax. too many djs. etc. fucking well good. better than that me and lux ordered curry. it cost 13quid between the two of us. but it was so good. they do a damn good pathia. yeah. we walked there and back and my legs are really really hurting now. like really bad. i was really worried i was gonna wake up with cramp. eeek. so we get there and theyre just playing the fattest shit ever. it was amazing. crazy hiphop shadow ness. etc. yeah man. it was so damn loud. by the time we got our coats in the cloakroom soulwax were coming on. it was just amazing. i was wearing my pal shirt as well. i dunno why. dont ask. everyone did seem to like it tho. so there you go. they played so many good songs. i dont think i stopped dancing from 11:15 to 2:15. and the rest. what did they play? ummm. oh i dunno. everything. evil dirty electro. and bastard pop. sugarbabes. haha. and justin timberlake. and foo fighters. and pink. although that wasnt soulwax that erol whatever his name is. it was banging. hahahaa. for want of a better word. and the amazing beastie boy salt n peppa ness. when we came out (woah they were plaing humanoid) i really wanted to sit on the beach. i hadnt sat down for ages and id never sat on the beach at night but everyone else were just fuckers. well. christine was well up for it but i had to go with people from my house cos i had no key. i so wanted to sit on the beach. these idiots who have been in brighton so long tho.. they just dont realise man. but anyway. at this garage i got a smoked applewood cheese wrap. with jalapeno and peppers and amazingness. was so nice. anyway. time to hit the shower. god damn washing machine. argh. damn ceiling. um. oh yeah. and i saw aka. this film thing. its a bit like timecode but nothing like it at all. whatever.

10.11.2002: three things. three? oh i dunno. i was just watching justice league (yeah i know but shut up) and what did i see? none other than red robot. destroying and crushing hu-mans. i swear it was. and corey said he saw red robot on dexters laboratory. world domination indeed. the news headlines are quite funny this morning. barrymore says that burrell came onto me while diana lay dead. or something. our news is turning into a fucking soap opera. bastards. like there arent more important things in the world. sigh. sigor ros is coming from aimees room. sven g englar. etc. i did a new popup this morning. it looks like this (or you could just click the damn link. nevermind.

i just noticed that the popup thing doesnt work if you look at my news page through the emocorp website. um. is that cos the javascript is kinda local like? so it trys to load it from the directory the main page is in? is that daft? whatever. sorry about that. anyway. it was me trying capture what i was going on about last time. the birds around brighton pier. its really nothing like that. but nevermind ..i quite like it anyway.

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